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A friend accidentally breaks one of your precious gift that was given by some one who means a lot to you, all the way from the other end of the globe. Your reaction? “No big. I’ll get another one some day...”
Your president interviews you for a post you always wanted, you say “Nah, give it to her. I don’t know that much anyways. I don’t deserve it as much as she does.” Hoping to be appreciated for the courteous manner in which you receive the disappointing news, you respond somewhat nonchalantly and coolly, “All for the better. No worries.”
These are some of the responds we give, unaware when we actually mean the opposite. There is a limit to our patience and we have feelings, too. However, we suppress them because we are too concerned about our image.
By nature, we don’t like to hurt or disappoint others. We fear that by doing so, we’d appear rude, spoil a good relationship, or worse, cause embarrassment. More importantly, we wanna think it’s just simply not us. But I admit, I ain’t nice all the time. I speak my mind when I have to, it just get things done.
Experience tells us it is not worth getting entangled in an embarrassing situation. Hence we tend to take the blame – even when we are not at fault – to diffuse tension and maintain harmony.
Our smiles hide the resentment we feel for constantly allowing others to get the chances which should be ours, and for saying yes, when we actually mean no. All we get, if anything is a message thanking us for being so considerate. Such appreciation is short-lived. But to the extremely nice people, they get bullied. The so-called “dependable attitude” will not be forgotten easily for we will soon be called upon when someone is needed to do the dirty work or has to be “sacrificed”.
Besides being innate, where does this “niceness” come?
Good intentions, especially on the part of our parents, are perhaps partly responsible.
As children, we were constantly reminded to behave, never to hurt anyone’s feelings and not to get into any trouble. Simply suggesting we should uphold the family’s good name and integrity and maintain harmony at all cost.
Remember when we got into trouble with other children? Our parents would readily admit that we were at fault, just to maintain goodwill with other people. This was an indirect appeal to them to do likewise and advise their children to leave us alone.
In a well brought up family, yes it works. But otherwise, these people fail, or just could not be bothered, to get the message. They didn’t think their children could do wrong and indirectly, encouraged those bullied not to leave us alone. Or worse, some of the parent took advantage of the situation and allowed their children to have their way. Truly ignorance. Egoistic and agonizing.
We were too young to respond, or reason why our parents blamed us. All we knew was that the innocent were punished for showing their dissent over the injustice done to them. Consequently, the bullies not only escaped punishment, but also emerged victorious. Thus the open invitation to others to take us for granted – the born loser.
I remember I was once accused by my mother for something my nieces did. I felt, rather hurt. Injustice has been made and I did try to back myself up but nothing worked. I remember telling myself that when I am an adult, I would never do such a thing. I did look from the outside, see where I went wrong. Maybe all teenagers would think the same way too, but I wanna change that. I’m sure all of us tried. I knew I was going to face the fact that I can’t change this when I’m all older and stuff, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying. Maybe it’s all for the better.
In school, we were fed fairytales, idealistic stories and nursery rhymes that reinforced patience as a virtue. We were told that intrinsic rewards awaited those who were patient. But as kids, we were in need of tangible, not intrinsic, rewards, to convince us that patience is indeed a virtue. But we have to grow up someday.
Coerced reactions in childhood were carried into adolences and adulthood. Good intention transformed us into the timid beings we are today.
Now, we constantly hide our true feelings as we wait in vain to get what we deserve for being nice. What about the bullies? They become upstart who “bully” their way into getting priority and promotions, and having others admire them.
Granted that restraining ourselves from anger is a mature and appropriate response, and a virtue. Our restraint readily invites misinterpretation by others: they think we are afraid to challenge them and see elements of doubt, perhaps guilt, fear and cowardice on our part.
By the time we try to exercise or exert our authority or even attempt to make our displeasure known, it might be too late. People brand us as Mr Hyde – not knowing that the Jekyll they knew was just a hypocrite.
*Adapted from The Star
I hope I don’t encourage this kinda people in our society, because they can be a real pain in the ass. But honestly, do good and you’re kindness will be returned. If you don’t believe it, learn it the hard way for yourself. We are not the children we were anymore; we have to learn to be patient. The wonders of being patient are still mysterious to us for it lies behind that mountain we crave to overcome. We will overcome it some day. The bullies would definitely meet their downfall. Do not bother about these miserable and selfish people whom I think are just trying to gain attention, just be you. But we have to stand our ground. We can’t be all that nice all the time. Some times we just have to get things done.
Your president interviews you for a post you always wanted, you say “Nah, give it to her. I don’t know that much anyways. I don’t deserve it as much as she does.” Hoping to be appreciated for the courteous manner in which you receive the disappointing news, you respond somewhat nonchalantly and coolly, “All for the better. No worries.”
These are some of the responds we give, unaware when we actually mean the opposite. There is a limit to our patience and we have feelings, too. However, we suppress them because we are too concerned about our image.
By nature, we don’t like to hurt or disappoint others. We fear that by doing so, we’d appear rude, spoil a good relationship, or worse, cause embarrassment. More importantly, we wanna think it’s just simply not us. But I admit, I ain’t nice all the time. I speak my mind when I have to, it just get things done.
Experience tells us it is not worth getting entangled in an embarrassing situation. Hence we tend to take the blame – even when we are not at fault – to diffuse tension and maintain harmony.
Our smiles hide the resentment we feel for constantly allowing others to get the chances which should be ours, and for saying yes, when we actually mean no. All we get, if anything is a message thanking us for being so considerate. Such appreciation is short-lived. But to the extremely nice people, they get bullied. The so-called “dependable attitude” will not be forgotten easily for we will soon be called upon when someone is needed to do the dirty work or has to be “sacrificed”.
Besides being innate, where does this “niceness” come?
Good intentions, especially on the part of our parents, are perhaps partly responsible.
As children, we were constantly reminded to behave, never to hurt anyone’s feelings and not to get into any trouble. Simply suggesting we should uphold the family’s good name and integrity and maintain harmony at all cost.
Remember when we got into trouble with other children? Our parents would readily admit that we were at fault, just to maintain goodwill with other people. This was an indirect appeal to them to do likewise and advise their children to leave us alone.
In a well brought up family, yes it works. But otherwise, these people fail, or just could not be bothered, to get the message. They didn’t think their children could do wrong and indirectly, encouraged those bullied not to leave us alone. Or worse, some of the parent took advantage of the situation and allowed their children to have their way. Truly ignorance. Egoistic and agonizing.
We were too young to respond, or reason why our parents blamed us. All we knew was that the innocent were punished for showing their dissent over the injustice done to them. Consequently, the bullies not only escaped punishment, but also emerged victorious. Thus the open invitation to others to take us for granted – the born loser.
I remember I was once accused by my mother for something my nieces did. I felt, rather hurt. Injustice has been made and I did try to back myself up but nothing worked. I remember telling myself that when I am an adult, I would never do such a thing. I did look from the outside, see where I went wrong. Maybe all teenagers would think the same way too, but I wanna change that. I’m sure all of us tried. I knew I was going to face the fact that I can’t change this when I’m all older and stuff, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying. Maybe it’s all for the better.
In school, we were fed fairytales, idealistic stories and nursery rhymes that reinforced patience as a virtue. We were told that intrinsic rewards awaited those who were patient. But as kids, we were in need of tangible, not intrinsic, rewards, to convince us that patience is indeed a virtue. But we have to grow up someday.
Coerced reactions in childhood were carried into adolences and adulthood. Good intention transformed us into the timid beings we are today.
Now, we constantly hide our true feelings as we wait in vain to get what we deserve for being nice. What about the bullies? They become upstart who “bully” their way into getting priority and promotions, and having others admire them.
Granted that restraining ourselves from anger is a mature and appropriate response, and a virtue. Our restraint readily invites misinterpretation by others: they think we are afraid to challenge them and see elements of doubt, perhaps guilt, fear and cowardice on our part.
By the time we try to exercise or exert our authority or even attempt to make our displeasure known, it might be too late. People brand us as Mr Hyde – not knowing that the Jekyll they knew was just a hypocrite.
*Adapted from The Star
I hope I don’t encourage this kinda people in our society, because they can be a real pain in the ass. But honestly, do good and you’re kindness will be returned. If you don’t believe it, learn it the hard way for yourself. We are not the children we were anymore; we have to learn to be patient. The wonders of being patient are still mysterious to us for it lies behind that mountain we crave to overcome. We will overcome it some day. The bullies would definitely meet their downfall. Do not bother about these miserable and selfish people whom I think are just trying to gain attention, just be you. But we have to stand our ground. We can’t be all that nice all the time. Some times we just have to get things done.
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