Moving on.

It's been exactly 13 days since I last saw her, 9 days since she left us and 7 days since I first spoke about it.

Do you have trouble moving on?

I ask because we've had exactly 702 visits within the past 7 days and I think it's a pretty big number, if you ask me.

Well, don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. In fact, I find this little piece of knowledge rather comforting because it tells me that there are still people out there who still keeps Ms. Low close to their hearts, as I still do.

Y'know... I was pretty touchy and pissy for the most of last week. I got damn annoyed by people, damn easily. In fact, during those times, I wished and I wished real hard that the people around me would just stop smiling. Come to think about it, I was also pretty miffed 'cause my supposedly "close" friends back home didn't even bother to ask me how's everything coming along.

It prolly seems all melodramatic to you and it prolly is. But more than that, it was truly heart-rending for me. There was so much going on in my mind; and all I wanted was just someone to talk to.

Bleh! If only emotions and low self-esteem issues were easier to handle in times like these...

But. I won't get into that now 'cause this is actually my third attempt in blogging. All my previous attempts were so messed up; just like how my brain still is - confused.

So, I'm going to cut right to the chase.

Why are we, or perhaps why am I, finding it so hard to move on?

Let's take this from a general perspective:

Do we find moving on a challenge because we're afraid that the dear departed would feel left behind?

Do we want to stay where we are because we feel that that's the closest we'll ever get to the ones we love?

Do we choose to live in the past because we know that that's where the amazing memories lie?

I thought about it long and I thought about it hard; and I think I finally have some answers.

Needless to say, the last 2 questions are pretty straightforward because it's only a simple case of misconception. Of course, as simple a case it may be, overcoming it may be a whole different thing. But I said this once, and I'll say it again:

Be what your loved one would have loved you to be, and you should be good to go.

Where's the logic behind this?

Well, I feel that when you learn to be what your loved one has taught you to be, chances are, you'll prolly see the bits and pieces of them in you, each time you take a look in the mirror - all their values, all ingrained in you.

So, yeah... My take is that you should have no problem finding him/her in you, where ever you go. Besides, no one ever said "moving on" meant leaving our heartsie memories behind and forgetting our dearly beloveds, right?

Why, by all means, take them along with you! Bring along whatever you want or whatever you need, if not all.

But of course, in your journey ahead, do be sure that you make new memories and that you meet new people. After all, it's not like you can only have a certain number of memories or know a certain number of people, right?

Yes, I know I'm right. So, moving on...

Our last standing concern - wouldn't our loved ones feel shunned the moment we decide to stop the hurt and put the pain behind us and start living life again?

After constructing that sentence out in my mind, I found myself dumbfounded. I mean seriously, why didn't I see this before?

It amazes me. It amazes me so much.

For all this time, how could we have thought so lowly of the ones we loved? Were our loved ones really that shallow and superficial?

Take Ms. Low for example.

Why do we make her seem so selfish after death? She, like any of our loved ones, had a big heart. I mean, if it was me that died, it'd be different. If I died, you have to grieve for AT LEAST one year. Of course, for my closer friends, I would expect longer. But again, I repeat, it's Ms. Low Wai-Lin we're talking about here. She was always the ideal philanthropic model -always ready to care, always ready to forgive, always ready to love.

She was always so selfless, which becomes more so evident as I just can't seem to say it enough.

So, that brings us here to this.

If there was life after death and if she could hear our every thought, would she really want to see us weep and wail and wallow in self-torture?

It's not like I've known her that well, but don't you think it's a bit too much for her? Don't you think she would have preferred it if we just moved on? Just put yourself in those shoes... Would you be able to watch and bear that kinda pain?

Well, coming back to Ms. Low and if you must know, I'd bet my bottom dollar that it's prolly even more agonizing for her to see us hurting, than it is for us to grieve.

Why?

Simply because she can't do anything about it at all...

But we can, right?

So, let's do something, let's change that.

I know that deep down, we are all still sore for losing her...

But let's move on, let's be happy.

Let us be happy, for she has gone to a better place. :)

PS. If you need time, take time, for time heals. Sure, it doesn't get rid of the scars and it never will. But that's a good thing too because that means that we'll never forget the ones whom we love.

PPS. What better place? Well, she was a Buddhist so... knowing all that I know about her, I think it's pretty safe to say that she's already earned enough karma points to enter nirvana, which is supposed to be the best thing ever. So, BE HAPPY! :D