Did I make the wrong choice?

Omg. I'm suddenly feeling a rush of panic about the choices I have made regarding my tertiary education. I was so excited initially! But now I just ain't sure.

Scenario #1:

I've accepted a conditional offer to study Chemical Engineering in the UK. My firm is UCL and my insurance is Edinburgh. UCL has always taken precedence over Edinburgh, but I keep receiving mail from Edinburgh, containing information about course and funding and accommodation -- everything UCL is not doing.

Evaluation #1:

Is it just me or is Edinburgh a whole lot more efficient? Would that affect the teaching quality? Should I have chosen Edinburgh over UCL? After all, Edinburgh does rank higher in ChemEng, just not overall, in the world rankings.

I've met the conditions of UCL, so essentially, I've accepted an unconditional offer and ten to one, I will most probably be going there. I like the sound of UCL, no doubt -- city life and of course, there's just no place like London. BUT THE PICTURES IN THE INFO PACK FROM EDINBURGH LOOKS SO PRETTY! And serene... Somewhere I'd really like to be as well. Plus, I might be able to find myself a doctor for a husband and not work my entire life. LMAO.

(Failed) Conclusion #1:

I'll prolly stick to UCL. Lazy to make ze changes. RAAAAAAAAAAAWR!

Anyway.. more importantly:

Scenario #2:

There has been a lot of talk (and a lot of movies as well, might I add) about the end of the world. I have always been fascinated. Needless to say, I'm not a believer of 2012. That, to me, is just a bag of gimmicks and I feel that all the publicity has one sole purpose -- filling up the bank accounts of clever opportunists. (No? Publicity has made 2012 a huge selling point. Think 20 Dec 2012, BIGGEST PARTY THE WORLD WILL EVER SEE. Cover charge priced at... let's say RM2012 per pax, throw in 3 bottles of Heineken. Oh, hell. Why not free pour! Would you pay for it? Don't think of it from a student's POV. Imagine you're working.. you'd be able to come up with that kinda money, easy. I mean, this could very well be your last day! And we're only slightly above average people here, just you imagine what the rich and famous are paying.)

In a nutshell: I know that the world will one day go through a series of transformation that will eventually lead to a "doomsday"; but I don't think it will be that soon. Well, that's just my take.

Evaluation #2:

Thinking about doomsday always make me feel like everything else is trivial, like Scenario #1. Ok, bad example. That is trivial, I was just rambling. But you get what I mean, don't you? So, what I'm thinking is... what if the world really ends tomorrow. What good can I do as a Chemical Engineer? Investment banker, remisier... the things I can see myself doing (because, sue me, but I love the money and lifestyle that comes with it, at least till I'm 50, after that it's prolly spiritual richness etc. -- another topic there but focus!) That's not much of a calling now, is it?

What can making tonnes of money do for me when we're all gonna die in the end? It's the age-old question and but we're still plagued by it. Why can't I just make enough and be happy? Why can't I do something that will make me happy? I know I want to know more about the world that I'm living in. Can't I be a researcher? Is being a professor that bad? (I never wanted to become a teacher/educator because of the low pay in Malaysia. It aggregated my intolerance and impatience towards such a career.) What happened to that little girl who was interested in the finding the answers of the world? Isn't that important too?

Sure, she had to grow up. But why not a career that will allow her to still do that? If I'm so interested in the world, why not Geophysics? It's a pretty on-top-of-my-head idea right now... but it might just work! I always thought understanding our world, our geological history, would allow us to understand how us homo sapiens have come to being. I'll prolly be a researcher... earning a steady pay. Wouldn't that be perfect? I wouldn't be driving Porches or Lamborghinis.. But I'd be happy, won't I? Food on the table and my life questions answered. Unless of course my whole journey is futile and I never get an answer... then I'd be dead pissed. But I can't think of failure before I even started... I can't allow myself to.

But am I really going to jump into the rickety raft of Geophysics when I'm on the safe platform of a Chemical Engineering oil rig?

(Failed) Conclusion #2:

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWR! This brings me back to Scenario #1. Not in terms of which university to go to... but more regarding the course choice I have made. And I'm lost. Maybe I ought to find out more about my course options. About Geophyics... Cause I'm not sure why I think it's not a safe career option. In knowledge we find answers and a peace of mind maybe? I have half a mind to not go through with UCL/ChemEng, take a gap year, and go straight to the States, like I always wanted. But I don't know whether I'm brave enough.

Oh God. This is so messy.. and unorganized. But I'm guessing you can probably relate, one way or another.

Are you really happy with what you are doing? Are you going to stick to the "dreams" you spoke of in your personal statement? Or are you going to take that plunge and go for something that will make you feel really fulfilled?

If you're reading this, I hope I'd hear from you. I'd really like to see what you guys out there are thinking. :)