How to meet new friends. :)

DISCLAIMER: It's not 100% guaranteed to work for everyone cause lotsa factors usually come into play when meeting new people. Eg. diff scenarios, events, etc. But it DID make me learn 20 new names and faces today! And I think that's pretty amazing because although I don't show it, I'm a reaaally shy person. So yeap. It's a bit wordy. Wanted to draw a mind map. But got lazy. Anyway, stick around at your own risk! ;)

Okay. Meeting new mortals. Firstly, if you're not around a quirky/geeky group, please don't call them "mortals". 

HAHA. Okay sorry. On to the real deal. Heh. Oh, of course, they're not hard and fast rules, just what I did for today.

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Preamble:  Where will you be going? 

A social event - well, it IS supposed to be social, and it helps if everyone doesn't know everyone yet heh

A park - dogs work well as starters

A queue - talk about how long they're taking

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can meet people anywhere. I know it's really obvious but I just have to emphasise the fact that it's really up to you. But I wouldn't recommend clubs (unless you want a hook-up) because it's so dark and loud, no one really remembers who is who, unless you're damn hot and outgoing, in which case you prolly don't even need to be reading this.

Anyway, you'll realize that Step 1 applies in cases where there's a planned meeting. Steps 2 and 3 apply to both planned and random meetings. So... uh, onwards we go! :)

Step 1:  Be early. 

I suppose it helps when you're one of the first ones there because when people start coming in, they would automatically talk to you. Or rather, it would be easier to talk to them. It's simple probability. Also, I find it harder to jump into other people's conversations once they get so engrossed. Just think about how you're like when you're with your own comfortable group of friends, laughing and talking away, enjoying the moments. You wouldn't want anything/anyone to change that, would you?

Step 2(i):  Make eye contact. 

Stop playing with your phone, pretending to be busy! (It's useful, but after awhile, you're just stuck friendless.) Eye contact is really important, because without it (even if it's cause you're shy), it does come across as "I'm too cool to talk to you" or "I'm a loser I have no friends". 

Step 2(ii):  Smile. 

I used to always tell my mum, "a smile costs nothing but creates much". Lord knows where I learnt that. But it's true! If you're going to put your ego first, then please, do stay as a loner. If you're expecting someone to do that first, you might be waiting your whole life.

Step 2(iii):  Say "Hi".   NOW. 

Now's your chance! If you've already done (i) and (ii) and you've seen an insy winsy reciprocity, SAY "HI" NOW! Talk to them! Don't put the first move in someone else's hand. Because only you know what you want. Shut your brain off. (Asha's bright idea in doing stupid things.) Stop thinking about the "what if"s. Can you tell the future? NO, YOU CAN'T! (If you can, please give me the winning lotto tickets kthnxbye.) NOW, is really important. Because the longer you wait, the harder it's gonna be. The awkwardness is not going to help.

If you don't have luck the first time, move on, and keep your chin up high, because you wouldn't want to be friends with uptight bitches anyway. If you're trying hard to make it to the in-crowd, gosh I dunno, stop trying so hard, it scares people away.

I guess this bit can be quite tricky. Because although you have to give in a little, you do want to make sure that you maintain your dignity. Don't go bending over back just yet, you're not signing up to be a slave or a groupie. You're here to get to know these people. You're equal, and you don't owe them anything. So it's very important to know where the lines are.

Step 3:  Be interested. 

I think sometimes we get so caught up in not wanting to be alone and wanting to magically make friends in "1, 2, 3, poof", we forget our primary goals. We make friends when we're comfortable with each other's company; and I think most times, we get comfortable when we start knowing them. So get to know them! Ask questions! "Where are you from","what are you doing", "what is that like", "what is it like from where you're from", "how are you coping"; it's pretty much endless. Be polite. Not dumb. Not pretentious. And I think it helps when you relate their answers to your life, so you make them feel like you're not that much an alien.

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So yes. I think that's all you should be needing. But I do have a few more tips I've picked up along the way!

3. In  having confidence  to even go through those steps:

"It's daunting if you think too much. Just do it. Let go of control and you will ace it."

- Adrian

It was more for the acting thing I did last Friday. But the same concept applies. Confidence is a funny thing... it helps so much in all that we do. If we're outright confident-less, we can't get anything done. So just fake it! For one moment, right before you say hi, act/pretend just like you used to play pretend when you were a kid or when you faked sick. Stop being a control freak. Let go of all false fear. Forget all that I've just said, just do it. All you need is to get started, after that everything comes rolling, you wouldn't even notice 3 hours has gone by.

2. In  meeting different races  (like ang mohs):

"Don't go all, 'omg, I want to be your best friend' on them. It says, 'omg, I'm a creep'."

- Kelly

Treat them like how you would treat people of your own skin. Have some self-respect. Why treat yourself as the inferior species? (Please try not to fake accents.)

1. In  overcoming excuses  to skip things like these due to nervousness:

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." 

- Steve Jobs

Like he said, "almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death". Just remember that the thought of it is usually always the scarriest bit. Ok, mebbe the beginning too. The rest is okay. :)

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So yeap. If you happen to be needing this right now, I wish you all the best! Go in with a positive and hopeful mind and break a leg! Let me know how it works out for you. :D


*** UPDATE ***


Can't believe I left the most important thing out. ie. Forget everything I just said. JUST TRUST YOURSELF! ;)