My 50th Post after 3 Years. O.O

This is going to be emo-tic.
For I am broken and torn apart.

My heart is torn to pieces;
As there's this person that i've been neglecting...
Who used to care about me a lot.
I realise now that i care for that person too.
In fact,
I really do miss this person.
But i can't pull myself to do anything.

My body is torn to pieces;
As I'm officially an OKU.S.
Orang Kurang Upaya. Separuh.
My right rib hurts when i cough.
My right wrist bloody hurts when there's an impact.
My right knee hurts as usual.
My right ankle hurts as well.
But that's beside the point.

My mind is torn to pieces;
I lost my match.
To Selandar.
Even though we won Seri Kota.
It doesn't make up for it.
We shouldn't have.
That's basketball.

For tennis.
I lost to Dayang.
A Sarawakian state player who transfered to Melaka.
I could have beaten her.
She wasn't THAT good.
But i haven't touched my racquet for 1 and a half years.
It's my last year.
And i threw it all away.
I'm really, really upset.
I could have done something.
I could have played better.
But i didn't.
I ALWAYS say i could have done something.
But i never do.
I forgive myself each time i disappoint myself.
It's not getting me anywhere.
Some one please tell me what to do...
But even so,
Screw myself.

I'm always so close to getting something that i want.
But i just let it slip away...
Just like that.
Without even trying hard enough.
I'm so aware that i have to change.
But i never do.

I always need someone to push me.
I'm not independent enough.
But even if some one is there to push me.
I still let my dreams slip away in the end.
I always see myself surfacing as a victor.
But in the midst of that,
I grow lost in my reverie.
And when i do wake up,
It's all gone.
The end results are all i want.
But i'm too lazy to strive for it.
How do i change that?

Tomorrow.
Basketball Girls U-18.
Meeting NDC...
While my soul is being torn to pieces.

I better get my shit together.
I simply just have to.